He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
