maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
