Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
