In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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