Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
