dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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