did you get engaged???
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
