I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize