I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
