I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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