I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
