Well apparently he's into motor boating.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
