Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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