Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
