Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
