I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
