Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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