Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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