I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When are your genitals available?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
