We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
