my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize