She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
