Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
