Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
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I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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