maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
