Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
