So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
