I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
