Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
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We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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