she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
