did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
