dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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