i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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