If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
