It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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