all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
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Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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