He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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