even my farts smell like vagina
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
