I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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