all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
