New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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