We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
