I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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