the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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