I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
