also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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