it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
