Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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