i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
