It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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