Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
