I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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