I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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