Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
