wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
