I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
