I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
