I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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