There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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