Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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