i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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